Pictures
Top right: Remember the lad on the beach in a previous issue? Well here he is again. Note those specs, those high fashion sideburns. Anyone identified him? A pork pie to the first correct entry submitted on a £20 note.
Middle left: Granville Brook

He was practising one evening at Holy Trinity when some pranksters tampered with the vestry door and locked him in.

All other doors resisted his attempts and no windows would open. So, opting for the tried and tested method, he began to heave on the bell rope.

His efforts made sufficient din - er, ding - to rouse a puzzled vicar who came and liberated him.

Simon is also recovering from a recent outing to Shelley Methodists where he acted as stand-in for morning service.

As he played through a hymn, the music desk, followed by all the music, suddenly decided to fall backwards into the organ. "It's quite tricky trying to play while retrieving your music from a black hole," he observes ruefully.

You might consider something along the lines of 'Granville: a shadow of his former self'

Or 'Actually, the Wurlitzer is next door Granv'

You might also wonder why our member for Outlane North appears to be playing inside a wardrobe. Note the door handle. Could he be playing some early Locke? Entries to the editor, please. Usual stunning high-value prizes.

He's read up the books, rehearsed memories of playing there and he's raring to explain why millions in lottery money should be spent on its restoration.

He's also hoping that the interviewer won't seek his uncharitable views on the the big celebrity recitalist who is due to unveil the fund-raising, Carlo Curley. The phone goes. It's the radio researcher: "Thank you so much for standing by but we won't be needing you now. We've managed to able to get a live link with Carlo Curley in Japan for that morning."